感谢上帝的母亲

今天我fucking happy.

当我手中握着那新买的蓝笔
在SEJARAH KERTAS 2 里 Essay 作业纸里第六页 当我将 Jawab 3 Soalan Sahaja 的第三个Soalan的最后一句答案用最豪爽 最潇洒 歇斯底里地把我所有的情绪 无奈 与难堪都凝聚在最后一粒句点时;


我的人生顿时多了一片云彩.
这, 不是因为多了.

只是少了SEJARAH的那一片臭云.
让我再一次看见我十多年前脑袋异常空白那些时光的云彩.
好美丽.

情绪泛滥我的肾上腺分泌开始失去了协调 我的振兴不会成为遗憾 我的脑袋突然有80%的Space Available 我今天对了很多人 HAHAHAHAHAHA 这样叫着 差点忘了这就是笑
HAHAHAHA 好开心

就好像我要打给你的时候 你便打来了
就好像还没要上学就到校了
就好像Mouse Icon还没拉到 Folder 就已经开了
就好像要吃东西就已经吃饱了
就好像还没恋爱就已经感动已经分手了
就好像还没买万字 就已经中头奖了
就好像还没上厕所大便就拉了出来
就好像还没演奏 台下观众已经耳油泛滥
就好像裤子还没穿 拉链便拉好了
就好像我的status还没post 就有七十亿人口Like 了
就好像我还没上车 车子就已经自己开走了
就好像我煎蛋时 还没打蛋 蛋就已经熟了
就好像还没去跑步 就已经瘦了
就好像还没弹钢琴音符便已经填满空气
就好像还没睡觉就已经醒来了
就好像还没读书就第一名了
就好像还没剪头发就botak了
就好像我想要bitch slap人的时候 那人已经倒地瘫痪了
就好像我要回家时 我的家已经搬到我附近
就好像还没做工 就已经退休了

就好像考了Sejarah一样.

拿不拿A+
拿不拿A
其实一点也不重要
我付出的我没有遗憾我没有后悔
我的人生以后也不会有"早知道"
好Positive的晚上.

Till debt do us part.

I don't know how it's done , the other side of me actually reveals myself as a person I did not want myself to be. I'm not being repetitive , but deadly seriously , I'm not a split. Apart of this ,I didn't really come up with any idea to sort things out, the notion was simply too easy and understandable.


I am wicked. Despite of my humility , which is barely there , my incomplete repentance and my ego , the 30% side of me has a unacceptable tendency of looking down on peoples.
I love to rate peoples , always been my hobby throughout my routine when visiting to places or idling on a certain spot , I love observing the very essence of humanity. This subsequently diverged into an attitude of me to actually hate people even I dont really know them.



meh, babbles again.
im too clingy , with the keyboards.

Abusive .

It's already vanquished.
I speak only sarcasm and reticence.
I feel contented with what I have and had.

The catch is , what's all these for?
Knowledge is the power to make other feels stupid, and now I'm talking about capabilities.
Stand strong on your ground let confidence invites you but not arrogance.



我讨厌成功。
一旦成功了就会开始自负 忘我 原本的戒备心通通消失 留下许多破绽让人随意动摇自己 然后又跌到谷底去

这感觉比失败还要难受 比被击败的耻辱更见不得人 她奶的竟还有这种令人作呕的感官刺激

所以我失败地很满意
不
我成功的东西不多 但也很满意


鬼屁zzz

It's not too early

It's 7 in the evening. The table clock was in front of me all the time, the only difference was it wasn't within my sight for the past 4 hours, credits to my lust over me to spend time on games that I shouldn't be playing. Eh ? Considering this as a good deed, because keeping the mind at a clear state is a part of the exam.

Overjoyed for hitting the last word of the whole hunk of sejarah notes and yet put down by the immense oppression for being not able to recall any of what I've studied in the past 6 days.

Oh yeah and I almost forgot I had my BM revision session written on the timetable. Apology to myself for being forgetful. Wait , for being oblivious I'd say.

Dilemma over bm or sejarah. Whichever is more important , scoring A in any of these two or both sounds challenging, for it is only because I was too lazy to pick up. And so go on with my determination and patience and perseverance and faith and fortitude and a-badaboom-badabing.


Hope the next day I open my eyes , I'll be cuddling lady luck and kissing her affectionately .

Please excuse me , what time is it?

Not sure how long has it been for me to be like this , at this very morning where feelings of neutrality instead of negativity flows in along with the dripping of raindrops on my windows and of course on the tiles ahead of me when I opened my eyes.

The sun went his way up behind the bleak clouds.
There wasn't any trace of the sun , no warmth , no sunshine, and all of these actually made up the dismal mood in my room.
True , however i'm unaffected, probably because I had a clear cut with all the negativity I had back in the time.
I'm not sad , and yet I'm not sad too in different context , given if I were me two years ago , I could have been lamenting my disability to give reasons to support why the fuck I ain't sad , and consequently ending myself as a sad piece of potato, not a whole*

The feeling was never there until roughly 10 hours ago I was sort of fascinated with all the blogs written by peoples around me, peoples I do not even know their existence as an entity.
Giggling secretly as they wrote their problems , commenting how their life shouldn't be in a away they are in now, and cheering myself over this little dimension fitted with objects and non-objects(ants and me).

Nah , just kidding.
I dont really care what SPM is , but as a milestone of my life , working hard on it was my dream , a dream I do not actually need a specific reason, though I'm already valid to be enrolled as a student in my college for the general intake which trials result is more emphasized.

Someone serve me a nice cup of coffee? Preferably a black , smoky one with an intense texture , perfectly aromatic and garnished with a pinch of sugars.

Dont set things too far off from ourselves , the view might be picturesque , but too far off your niche means you will be losing it one day.

No this is not a mediocre you'll expect!

I'm certainly aware of the fact that spm is 2 days away from me. Basically I'm fearless , but that's all to its basic, because when things get complex , they do, say , there are always wonder how a family can branches into 96 or maybe 960 members in places where guys with imbalanced love hormone's distribution are reproductive narcissistic and sexually turned on for 27 hours daily paradoxically and so on with whatever cases that are able to entitled to the category " Complexity " . We are always aware , yes , the complexity of a case shouldn't be neglected as even the littlest detail in our life , or maybe around you , right where , right now could have the devastating potential to engulf the whole you and lead you to another dimension and never to be seen by your friends and family again. Don't you believe in me? Look for the dust under your bed or cupboard. Take a pinch and spread it evenly on your nostril , now run to a mirror and observe carefully. Your expression turns to a monstrous , extra terrestrial look that we'd preferably call it , socially unacceptable in terms of the scale of beauty rated from negative infinity to positive infinity inclusive of imaginary scales of the unspoken beauty , you will be at somewhere near the negative infinite. I'm about to reveal the secret that what you are going to do next is not called Sneezing, it's a part of the ritual where our primitive ancestor does to communicate with the other side of our sanity(dimension) , the moment you open your mouth , with the distorted expression you are reverting into what you really were, by closing the eyes is to make over ourselves to be seen in the dark by the communicator in the other side of dimension. "ah chooo" is the sound you will make next but if we record it with the latest 1080p HD recorder and you replay it for about 172 times you will eventually find out that the sound ah choo actually means something else , which is considerably the greatest mystery to mark the start of this new decade. Try not to view things on different perspectives because you will end up like me spitting delusional gibberish which makes utterly no sense at all , and in turn might have waste your not-so-precious time reading this article , i'm fine if i'm negatively commented by the act of trying to come up with the humorous you'd expect and yet i'm fine if you are criticizing secretly for any grammatical mistake you ever found up there or actually I don't really care. My fingers really enjoyed spending time waltzing on the keyboards as I'm really done with my studying, no , my cortical skimming of papers with words written for further attempts to write accordingly on another sheet of paper given from my dearest , earnest government, repeatedly for 10 subjects to comprehend my MEMORIZING ABILITY into a certificate with my grades listed from A to G as such my future bosses would look into my memorizing capacity and assign me to one of the different fields they actually offer and pay me wages I don't really crave for.

If there were any mistakes , please dont fucking comment , because this is typed with my eyes 67% closed and I can measly find the publish post button under this gigantic clusterfuck of words and red waves

Remember.

I'm sorry , I'm done.

醒

执着?

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Lie to me?

The truth prevails.

I'm actually at where I am , bitch.

回去

有一种感觉

它超越了所有伤感

带走了好多的回忆好多的情感.

asdkmpo2eoanodimwapidkwadmaw;idnaw;diodjiowajadiwd

dwaodj-djk'awd

apj2hojds1opj2podj2pojdpoajopjxdowandwa

dwaknedpo2jdoahoidwha

dwadoiwhda

没有很伤心,

不过太难受了.

胃碗

很简单
很单纯
很豪放

我喜欢
我欣赏
我鼓掌

坚持.

同类?

这个世界有太多的感情太多的纠结.
城市一点也不吵杂,
路人没有半点忧郁的情感，
很自然的，车呼啸，脚步有轻有重.
这个世界没有声音，没有颜色，没有感情思想，没有归根的奠基，
是人的感官.
感官细胞历时好几千万年的演化，
让我们重新定义世界.

开始有了感动.
种种的激情，
从每日都美好的热恋，
到寂寞孤独失落的颓废堕落被动的人生态度.
要不如偶尔开心，心里头勉强的微笑好一阵子.
低回头，还是那蓝天白云一星期七天重复重复.
睡觉吃饭起来千篇一律.


蓝色黑色白色金色红色
伤心开心愤怒安慰紧张
动听吵闹刺耳饱和轻快
疼痛冷热麻痹搔痒疙瘩
酸甜苦辣咸香浓稀淡稠

安静

冷清


心灵的空间感，那次元，住着谁?
有执著吗?

yoga 隐喻: 有了感官的彩绘，才会有世界.

感觉

静止,喧哗,怂恿.

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桌面

八点十三的阳光照耀着我右脸颊，书桌上的美露渐渐失去沸腾煮水的热气烟雾。
走了一年三百六十几天，看了好多东西，经历了许多波折。
还会不会有一个十六岁的去年今天，那开始失去理智的太阳下有那么一个女孩，在我右手边牵挂着思念，听着我说话。
还会不会有一个十六岁去年的今天，正努力为自己的目标前进，不管煎熬多难耐，不管路的长远。
还会不会有一个十六岁的现在，我在拿着我的美露的当时，电话连震三下荧幕亮起，那个人的文字问候是我熟悉不过的。

Paradox

隆胸

有些时候你会突然望着某些东西头脑接着放空你会想起好多好多以前的事你的心开始有了阵阵刺痛你会百感交集你会无端端多愁善感你会开始后悔惋惜释怀 你多么多么想回到以前回到那你觉得很美好的从前那些美丽的事物美丽的情节你会为你的曾经开心而感到伤心 你会想现在很不美好很不快乐你好想乘搭时光机回去你的过去在一次感受那种美丽的日子 你好想每天重复着那段日子你不想像现在忧愁苦闷的看着我写这些文字

你只想回去然后从新来过再一次接触你自己的曾经过去再一次躺在那床上用自己的窝心温暖自己不需要盖被不许要缩着身体.

我们都回不去了. 它们也不会再回来.

不会.

冷 2:45 AM

右手被冷气吹得发麻耳机左右不再对称我正听着一首歌它的动听足以让我失聪那歌声很憔悴很沧桑我眼底下的双层眼皮努力撑着;窗口布满了水珠在一个15摄氏的房间里唯一卑微下贱可憎的睡意也冻结了在半空中那一小块的睡意我看见了你Hi睡意你好可以进入我脑海里吗

睡意对我说"我冷冷那里不在很家土得纳贿破咯褐色白煤内裤红契白族激素口剖了如会提议怎懑龙入围散居被褥"

哦.我咬着厕纸

我蓝色的黑色有个白色的青色上涂抹上了金色的紫色

我拿着keyboard的味道走进厕所洗头发纳闷的腋毛望着我对我笑嘻嘻说它很黑.

有一次

请你告诉我你爱我.

等等,你是谁?

他们说我的昨天是个谎言

.

好久以前我有个好友他无形无影每天他静静的伴着我坐在我上面陪我走过每一段不是很有意义的路陪我看了许许多多不同的人类事物还有在他上次离开我之前他对我说我一定会后悔我没有很在意也没有很介意他其实不坏也不好他就是这样突如其来地依附在我身上我不想摆脱他我也不想没有他欢迎你

压力，好久不见

很可爱

我不懂发生什么事

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感恩

在此我想用我临睡前还剩下的7%Battery来感谢曾经用心良苦努力不断地在我的nuffnangADs那边用了你们不懂那一只手上不懂那一根手指点击了那份160X300的广告板我终于终于赚了0.25零吉我的文字终于有了一个卑微的价值谢谢你们

*:

如果给我一次机会我不会选择我没有遗憾了我没有后悔我也没有什么感触我没有那粉肠芝麻腐竹鱼丸

吃斋好

我只想用最简单的文字表达最简单的想法和感想同时背后铺了一层比简单还更简单的一层表达着不同的东西我不用华丽深奥的字来镶上我的FontSpace我不需要字体的大小来衬托语句的层次与意义然而我也不需要用颜色染上我的文字那种境界我已经可以发展到连标点符号也仅仅地用那么一个点或者是句号如果我说这是minimalism极简主义简单易明又可以表达自我的感觉思想又符合我的人格特征也就是讲话快没有组织没有次序那样我不是可以在一个article显示出我50%的特征为何要把自己弄得五花八门明知道没有观众没有入场卷为何要硬来只因为我有一份执著还有半份带着负值的毅力句号

没有

原来自己也是一种人。
原来自己可以被归纳。
原来我想的是多余的。
原来早上天未亮很冷。



我有点奇怪有点有点奇怪我那尊心理不平衡的自我为何会生起。




蓝

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:*

我来到了一个我很想去的地方可是后来才发现自己多么的渺小卑微多么地不起眼不重要。

我想太多了。



:)

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昨日的惋惜

夜阑冷静睡梦中醒了过来我开了房门走到镜子前面站着就一直站着五六分钟望着镜子里的人他一直对我微笑着眼神虽然惺忪黑眼圈双层地挂在眼皮下但却有幸福的迹象就一直对望着;镜子里那个人后面突然有对双手搂着他是个女生那女的笑得真甜男的幸福地笑了笑可是当他要转头望着那女的时* 我看着那白灰色的墙壁带着每秒三十公分的速度用了21 步走回房间躺在床上闭上双眼深呼吸然后虚脱

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blemish

心情好复杂. 就这样持续了十多天我不懂要怎样表达少少的情绪化少少的依赖依赖着不懂什么.
它就是这样每天慢慢地侵蚀着我的思想空间我不懂发生了什么事一切就是这样静静的然后对面的野狗一直在惨叫冷气一直出现怪声应该是有只女鬼卡在那儿.


恩,看来没错.

走?

今晚好像有点热冷气忘了开?

还是热情回来了

我走着走着碰见了小猫我对它笑了笑然后扮猫叫.

我走着走着看见了信筒我望了望摸了摸看见很多思念在里头盘旋.

我走着走着梦见了书本书本有1700页不过都是空的.

我走着走着步伐粘粘的以为踩到了口香糖结果一看!

真的是口香糖.

我走着再走着脚趾头卡着了沙子当我弯下腰时不过意放了个屁

有点优雅.

再走再走我拿着地图擦着背擦着背然后看着路人那种猥亵的眼神我好想在他们脑海里绕个圈拉个屎.

我依然低头地走没有地图没有小猫没有信筒没有口香糖没有屁.

抬起头来望上天那不是天空，

风扇在转.

房间有电热.

(:

细腻的略看

我开始表达不出了表达不出了真的那么复杂吗我要如何简化简化自己用公式吗

好难为什么我不可以是个简单的男孩为什么我的爱好不可以是睡觉

我不想动浪费那卡路里热量做一些完全没有意义的事情我相信我自己相信的东西可惜它除了错

我不能原谅因为它原谅不了再美再完美还是一样会消失空手过来空手回去

好可悲

愈是美丽开心的东西愈是危险那天你失去了就会像悲剧的开头一样

好美，但不会长久然后就是结尾

悲剧不断重复

悲剧人物没有一个没有经历开心愉快

悲剧就是因为有了快乐的衬托才会悲

戏剧化的人生就是如此

妈的人出世若都是从最悲伤开始那一天比一天开心那不会更好吗

啊，我忘了那空虚感.